It looks so care free. But it wasn’t care free today. He has been struggling against napping — and today was one of those days. I ended up exhausted and unraveled by dinner time, because when he is awake it is hard to do anything except be with him. I love to be with him. But sometimes the only thing I want in the world is to complete a task without being interrupted. Maybe even to think a complete thought. And write it down.
I use my camera as therapy and try to write things down later — when everyone is in bed and the house is quiet and dark. And I should be sleeping . . . but here I am looking at photos of him.
It was a hard day, but then I was writing to a dear friend and found this quote from our years dancing together in college — and sharing it made the evening brighter.
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no woman could have dreamed would have come her way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” — Goethe
(I took liberty with Goethe’s words and changed “man” to “woman” and “him” to “her” in the fourth-to-last sentence.)